Peter, Bjorn and John, "Young Folks"
I’ve started a story here that NOBODY knows about. Remember, Kristina didn’t hear about it, The Man never asked any more questions?? I mean NOBODY.
It’s not so much that it’s bad, although it wasn’t a high point in my life. It’s just that I didn’t think anyone would understand. The few people who knew a little bit about my situation knew only that for a reason. They didn’t understand, they couldn’t understand, so I just kept it to myself. For years, I’ve had this chunk of my life where I kind of disappeared from “me” and nobody ever questioned it. Isn’t that strange?
What brought this on was seeing all the local hits I got that day. This disturbed me for two reasons: One, I’ve never actually told people in my family about my blog. I do talk about it occasionally, but I think they just think I’m talking about something else and I just let them think that. Seeing those hits made me wonder: Is that my mom? And: Would I want my mom to read this?
The second reason the ‘local attention’ bothered me was that The Punjabi is actually a little well-known in these here parts. Of course, that’s not his real name, but I’m not sure I’ve done much to cover his identity.
So I spent the weekend contemplating; Do I really want to finish the story? Do I want to put it out there the way I’ve written it? With all its insinuations and open-endedness? Do I really want to reveal this dark part of my life to the world?
Yes. Yes I do.
If I were to die tomorrow, there would be years missing out of my life that nobody ever knew. I’m not proud of everything I’ve done in life, but I did them. I can’t come off as pretending that my whole life I’ve been this Cheery Green Philanthropist. I made mistakes and I’m willing to own up to them. Those choices are what made me who I am today.
But as you’re reading, just do me a favor and remember that while I didn’t make great choices, I’m still a smart girl. That will be important. With that, the story will continue Wednesday.
**Also, WalkAmerica went great, except for the fact that my brand-new camera wouldn’t turn on. So I’m waiting for pictures from my mom before I post about that.**