Monday, April 30, 2007

Because I DO care what you think...

if i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me

Peter, Bjorn and John, "Young Folks"

Driving home from work Friday night, I had a revelation.

I’ve started a story here that NOBODY knows about. Remember, Kristina didn’t hear about it, The Man never asked any more questions?? I mean NOBODY.

It’s not so much that it’s bad, although it wasn’t a high point in my life. It’s just that I didn’t think anyone would understand. The few people who knew a little bit about my situation knew only that for a reason. They didn’t understand, they couldn’t understand, so I just kept it to myself. For years, I’ve had this chunk of my life where I kind of disappeared from “me” and nobody ever questioned it. Isn’t that strange?

What brought this on was seeing all the local hits I got that day. This disturbed me for two reasons: One, I’ve never actually told people in my family about my blog. I do talk about it occasionally, but I think they just think I’m talking about something else and I just let them think that. Seeing those hits made me wonder: Is that my mom? And: Would I want my mom to read this?

The second reason the ‘local attention’ bothered me was that The Punjabi is actually a little well-known in these here parts. Of course, that’s not his real name, but I’m not sure I’ve done much to cover his identity.

So I spent the weekend contemplating; Do I really want to finish the story? Do I want to put it out there the way I’ve written it? With all its insinuations and open-endedness? Do I really want to reveal this dark part of my life to the world?

Yes. Yes I do.

If I were to die tomorrow, there would be years missing out of my life that nobody ever knew. I’m not proud of everything I’ve done in life, but I did them. I can’t come off as pretending that my whole life I’ve been this Cheery Green Philanthropist. I made mistakes and I’m willing to own up to them. Those choices are what made me who I am today.

But as you’re reading, just do me a favor and remember that while I didn’t make great choices, I’m still a smart girl. That will be important. With that, the story will continue Wednesday.

**Also, WalkAmerica went great, except for the fact that my brand-new camera wouldn’t turn on. So I’m waiting for pictures from my mom before I post about that.**

Thursday, April 26, 2007


“I still don’t see anyone out there.” Jenny said as she walked into the back room of the shoe store. “Are you ready to go yet?”

“Yeah, just – ah – just give me a second. And thanks for waiting for me.”

She didn’t see him, but I knew he was out there. He said he would be when he called the store earlier. I lied about what time we closed, but he knew I was lying. And he had no problem waiting. He did it all the time.

The rain was pouring down when we made our move to lock up the store and get to our cars.

“Good luck – is that him?” Jenny asked before she got in her car.

“Shit – yeah – I gotta go, thanks!!” I yelled as I jumped in my Celebrity and raced out of the parking lot. He saw me. He followed me. It was only a short drive to the apartment building, but how was I supposed to park and get in? I had to lose him.

With shaking hands, I reached for my seatbelt – doing 75 mph – it was raining so hard all I could see was his truck in my rear view. I lit a cigarette.

I ran a red light, cut off a couple cars and managed to catch a small break – so small he still saw me turn into the complex. I sped through the parking lot, praying to God nobody walked out in front of me.

I found a spot in the back, where it would be harder to spot. I ran halfway to the door. There, I crouched down next to a truck, soaking wet, and waited for him to see my car. Once he spotted it and made his way to the back, I ran for the door. The security lock was broken – good for me, but good for him, too. I ran up the two flights of stairs as fast as I could. When I reached the top, I heard the main door open.

I ran down the long hallway and pounded on the apartment door. The Man opened it to find me drenched, shaking.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

I pushed my way into the apartment and quickly closed the door.

“He was waiting for me after work.” I answered.

He didn’t ask any more questions.

He just took me in his arms and held me as I started to sob.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Green Challenge

We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children.

I really couldn’t have thought of a better way to spend Earth Day (Last Sunday…what…did I forget to mention that? Oops.) than teaching the kids about their responsibility to the planet. They got to go fishing with dad until we met for lunch at the campground of our local city park. Then we walked the mile trail back collecting garbage. Recyclables in one bag and the rest in another.

Starting out, Ninja Boy was irritated that my brother was telling him to go get things he spotted. But after a while, both the kids were on the lookout for litter and chasing into the woods to pick it up. They were saying “What rude people” “Why can’t they just take it to the garbage can!?” I was so proud. We ended up filling both bags. In fact, Sunshine didn’t want to stop! But…after I came to the condom (well, used, of course!), I decided to call it a day.

I still can’t get over how someone could go back into those beautiful nature trails and throw their garbage into the trees. Beautifying nature doesn’t always give me the great feeling that other charity work does. I end up bitter that there are so many selfish people in the world. So many people that think they are more important than the person who volunteers a year - or twenty - later to go through and pick up their garbage for them.

Even when I was picking up the property at work, I was resentful. It sucks that I need to be willing to go outside and pick up garbage off the ground because guy #1 wasn’t willing to hang on to it for a minute until he reached the garbage receptacle. But you know what? It sucks that other people blow up their food in the microwave and leave it for me to clean. No matter where you are in life, no matter what you’re doing, there is always going to be someone who takes advantage of something you are grateful for. I really wish I could change those people, but I can’t. All I can do is get out there and try to make a difference myself.

And that leads me to your challenge this week: Pick up a piece of trash. Really, just one. (Don’t you love how impossibly simple these are?) Make that one little difference in our world. Make up for someone else’s shortcoming so our world has a little more balance, a little more harmony.

And please, don’t litter.

More tips for the office next week!

For more on littering, check out the Ideal Bite.

Monday, April 23, 2007

But Thinking Hurts Me Brain!

If I must be completely honest, my post for this “Thinking Blogger” award has made me think harder than any other post I’ve written.

Of course, it’s just a fun little meme. Something to get the blog rotations going, let your other blogger friends know you’re thinking of them. But I was nominated three times. Three different people chose me as someone who makes them think. Who’da thunk it, right?

Let's see what they had to say (Because I'm conceited, WHAT?!):

Brillig said: Butrfly is a smart and sassy woman with a great big heart. Her sidebar is full of links to charities and other worthwhile organizations and every Tuesday she issues us a "green challenge" to encourage us all to protect our precious planet. She seems to really believe that one person can make a difference and she's determined to be that person.

Silly Chick said: Butrfly makes me think of global things and all the ways in which I wreck this world on a daily basis. Damn you, butrfly, for giving me a conscience!

And Worker Mommy said: Yes I know Brillig already nominated her but honestly she's deserving of multiple Thinking Blogger Awards. I did a double take when I saw her age because at only 24 she's wise beyond her years. She's sensitive and compassionate and I'll always have a soft spot for her because she was the first to comment on my blog.

Reading them again, I’m re-astonished. Really? Me? I make you think? And I’m wise??
I’m loving this, I really am. I’ve always hoped that my rambling would encourage someone to do a little good. It’s so heart-warming to hear that it does. I really can’t express how happy it makes me.

Okay, enough with the acceptance speech and on to the hard part. The hard part was PICKING people to bestow this award upon. See, it is just a silly little meme. But, it feels REALLY GOOD to get. And it’s going to look REALLY PRETTY on my side bar. Really.

I adore all three of you and of COURSE you make me think. But this isn’t easy! (Now I know how Brillig felt.) You don’t want to disclude anyone, but you only get five. So remember that it’s just a game, everyone!

(Also, I tried really hard not to nominate anyone who has already been nominated…to be fair…you got your glory!)

The Instructions (Copied directly from Worker Mommy‘s site because that was the one I still had open and we ALL KNOW I’m lazy like that):

1. If, and only if, you get tagged, write a post with links to 5 blogs that make you think.
2. Link to this post so that people can easily find the exact origin of this award.
3. Optional: Proudly display the “Thinking Blogger Award” (here is an alternative silver version if gold doesn’t fit your blog.)

1) Chesca at skindiving – Chesca’s actually had this a long time coming. I don’t remember how, exactly, I got hooked up with Chesca, but I do remember the first post I read was her idea for Helping Hams, which has been on my sidebar for months but never had a post including it like I PROMISED so long ago. That great idea alone should earn her some type of award. Her other posts only confirm what a great person/writer she is. And she makes me think. Most recently, she has me thinking about Paris and how unsanitary it is to share toothpaste.

2) Mona at hello insomnia – Mona’s child, Nathan, is a master of disguise. (My fave.) And he makes awesome faces for the camera. And his mother is always ready with the flash and great commentary. Seriously, check out her Flickr, you’ll be laughing for weeks. But even without Nathan, Mona’s posts are always funny and entertaining. She’s quick-witted and sarcastic. (It was like, LOVE at first *site*, I’m telling ya!)

3) Cherann at Confessions of a Former Bookworm – another funny blog chick with plenty of hilarious kid ammo. I love how eclectic and fun her posts are (I’m especially liking her new Super Silly Search Sundays because we’ve all had those Super Silly Searches, right?).

4) Tabetha at Think Bigg – she hasn’t posted in a while and I’m MISSING HER! Tabetha is probably the epitome of the Thinking Blogger. Every single post she’s written is another opportunity to do good deeds. She really has something for everyone! I hope she finds the time to get back into it soon!

5) Beth at Diary of a Playgroup Dropout – Beth is the leader of Small Change. She is the person that made me realize how much good I can do with my little bloggy. If it hadn’t been for her starting Small Change, I’m not sure I’d have ever seen the value in my blog. If I’d never seen the value, I’m not sure I’d be writing this post today.

Congratulations, girls, you earned it. As did my other bloggin’ friends who already received theirs. And if you haven’t yet…wait five minutes, this game is spreading like wildfire!!

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Mesmerizing Mia

Walking into the dark, smoky bar, I immediately felt out of place.

I worried what they would say about us, as it was completely obvious we did not belong.

People shot us disapproving looks as we held hands and edged through the crowd looking for her. We didn’t know who we were looking for, but Cowboy did.

Then she spotted us. She flung her arms up in the air and made her way to us in her super-high heels. Her mini-skirt and tube top were tight as could be. Her thick blonde hair settled on her broad shoulders. Her glittery makeup was heavily, but perfectly, applied.

She wrapped herself in Cowboy’s arms and introduced herself to me.

I’m sure I looked like a scared child. Brought into a place I’d never been, seeing this girl for the first time. But I wasn’t scared at all…I was in awe.

This girl had a very loud, spirited personality. She flirted with everyone. She had a style and a way about her that most girls just don’t have. She was outgoing and funny. She was wild and uninhibited.

She was nothing like the man she was during the day.

You see, that’s the first time I’d ever met Mia…but I’d met her male counterpart, Jake, on several occasions.

Jake was a smart, quiet, cute guy. When we were first introduced to him, I could have never guessed what kind of experience he would provide me in the future.

We went out to watch Mia perform on a few more occasions. This included more gay bar experiences and a visit to the Pride Festival. Each time I watched in amazement as this cute little quiet guy transformed himself into a glamorous, high-energy, beautiful woman.

Aside from some very entertaining entertainment, Jake/Mia provided me with some life lessons that I will never forget:
~ Things are not always as they seem.
~ The “quiet” ones need to break out sometimes, too.
~ Beauty can be found in the most unexpected places.
~ Sometimes people don’t want to be one thing or another…they just want to be.

Cowboy and Jake’s relationship didn’t last. Jake went off to Europe to study design, never to be heard from again.

I’ve yet to find a drag queen as beautiful and sweet as Mia. Though I can’t say I’ve tried.

I hope she’s still doing her thing.

(Miss Chi-Chi is my second favorite drag queen.)

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Green Challenge

Today I got off my big, padded bum and did something really green…I went outside and helped pick up garbage from the company property. I was disappointed that we didn’t have many people volunteer, but then again, this is the Land of Lazy. I was also surprised that most of the people helping were from the manufacturing floor. Why was I surprised? I blame them for the mess. I know that there aren’t any office people waddling outside to smoke (against policy anyway) or take their breaks. We are directly on a lake, plus we have two ponds out front. People from the floor take their breaks on the hill and throw their garbage into the ponds – seriously. Here are these poor ducks, birds, geese, frogs and everything else that has had its home confined by industrialism to a small pond off the freeway. And that’s not good enough for these selfish pricks…they have to throw their garbage into the tiny preserve just to screw them a little more.

Ahem. My point was that it was good to see people from the “other side” pitch in and not just slink back into the stereotype they’ve earned. It was a reminder to me that everyone is an individual. That everyone makes their own choices, regardless of what group they are in.

I’m left with the high I got from being paid to be outside during the workday. I’m energized. I’m happy to know that I got all those plastic bags and wrappers away from where the ducks will be nesting soon.

The Green Challenge this week has to do with the office and will be part a short series (these corporations are like Environmental MONSTERS – just can’t fit it into one challenge). For my loverly SAH readers, I realize these tips aren’t going to impact your life heavily, but you have that beautiful voice to share the information with people for whom it will. Riiight? Right!

I think the obvious spot to start would be paper consumption. Each year, Americans trash enough office paper to build a 12-foot wall from New York to Los Angeles!*. Trash. As in, goes to the DUMP.

The best solution would be to use recycled paper. Producing white recycled paper creates 74% less water pollutants and 75% less process energy than producing paper from virgin fibers*. That’s a LOT! However, recycled paper costs slightly more than the regular stuff, so most companies would be against this. Even if we can’t change the mind of a corporation, we can change our habits.

Top Things You Can Do To Save Paper:

1. Check print margins – don’t print unnecessary pages. I do this most often when printing from the internet – you know how they always make you print that last sheet with all their fine print and “Contact Us” links?

2. Double-side your copies – I have to make copies of every document I process because for some reason, we need TWO paper copies filed along with the electronic version, so this really helps me out. I’m trying to get that copier set up as my printer so I can PRINT double-sided as well.

3. Re-use scrap paper - Confession: I was a Post-It Note whore. I collected them. Pink, blue, green, yellow…if they ordered it, I was all over it. But then I had one of my little eco-epiphanies: I can’t recycle them. Our office only recycles white paper. So when my Post-Its ran out, I moved on to scrap paper. I have one of those people in my department who doesn’t EVER check their Print Preview and ends up with about 25 pages of waste a DAY. When I’m out of scrap paper, I just grab a handful, head over to the paper cutter and chop it up. Of course, nobody else double-sides their prints, so I’m guaranteed a clean side. Bonus, huh??

4. Lastly, of course: Recycle it when you’re done.

*Facts from

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Meme-Tastic Fun

I am just a blogging FOOL today!

Here’s a MeMeI was tagged with by Cherann.

Three things that scare me
1) Bugs in my house
2) My temper
3) Losing someone I love

Three people who make me laugh
1) The Man
2) My SIL, Kristina
3) All my bloggy friends (I refuse to pick one…or three)

Three things I love
1) My fam, of course
2) Desserts
3) Eating at restaurants

Three things I hate
1) Owing (anything)
2) Cooked mushrooms
3) Slithery, slimy, or otherwise creepy creatures

Three things I don’t understand
1) Signals – TV, Radio, Cell phone…it’s too amazing for me to try to understand
2) Why so many people become famous for being gross/stupid/whorish/etc
3) Why it’s so hard for everyone to accept everyone else as they are (me included)

Three things on my desk
1) Lots and lots of work to do!!
2) A candy jar full of tea bags
3) My ipod

Three things I want to do before I die
1) Travel - anywhere!
2) Write a memoir (If I go before, someone should just edit my blog into a book, okay? You’ll be missing a lot, but it will be done anyway.)
3) Learn how to forgive

Three things I can do
1) Twist my tongue upside down
2) Know when I’m being lied to
3) Turn to ice (emotionally - when necessary)

Three things I can’t do
1) Feel bad for people who treat others badly.
2) Get rid of my cat even though I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to her now
3) Hula-hoop

Three things I think you should listen to
1) Your mother (a lot of the time!)
2) Drive 105 (my fave radio station)
3) Hip Tranquil Chick

Three things you should never listen to
1) Put-downs
2) Someone you don’t trust
3) Diet pill commercials

Three things I’d like to learn (but won’t)
1) How to fix a car
2) Chinese
3) Tai Chi (that one’s a maybe)

Three shows I watched as a kid
1) Jem (Truly, truly, truly outrageous!)
2) Fraggle Rock
3) The Smurfs

I’ve already read Brillig’s so I’m going to have to tag Sugar Kane and Chesca. Also, Kristina...but I'll be the only one here who can read yours!

My Next License Plate

Will look like this:

I realize it looks a little bit like a ranson note. I have a JOB, people! I can't spend ALL day editing photos to cuss at my government workers.

Thanks, MN-DOT...specifically the workers in MY county...who didn't think that MAYBE a little bit of SALT would have taken all that ice off the road. Even more pissed, I'm sure, are the people who actually got IN accidents. Not just those of us who screamed and cussed for two hours in our cars!

Sorry for the rant, chillins...

I'm off to write a letter to the city. (Haha, oh, yeah...and to WORK.)

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Can I have your attention, please?

A couple of my favorite blogs have been nominated for Blogger's Choice Awards!!

(Okay, so I nominated Cheeky Lotus, but with good cause!)

I know some of my readers also read their blogs, so if you have a second, give them your vote.

You have to register and what-not, but it doesn't take long.

Suburban Turmoil is up for Best Blog Of All Time (That's a helluva title!!).

Redneck Mommy is also up for Hottest Mommy Blogger (Gasp! Don't worry, you can vote for as many as you please!)


Green Challenge Twednesday

So, I’m a flake. Luckily for me, I can make up days and only be half flakey.

My ‘absence’ was party due to my workload and partly due to the fact that I’m stuuuuuck.

I haven’t made any revolutionary changes. In fact, I’m using MORE water bottles now because it was suggested that maybe my weight-loss was being limited by lack of water. And I’ve FINALLY got The Man to start drinking water. But we just can’t drink the tap water. See, Sunshine used a humidifier for a week and at the end of that week, the tray was half full of white GUNK that was filtered out of our water. I’m sure it’s mostly iron and calcium, but I don’t know for sure – so I won’t drink it. To remedy this, I’ve been looking into a water softener. It was between a water softener and a new refrigerator. But the water softener would benefit my tap water, showers, laundry, etc. Filtered water from the fridge would just benefit our drinking water. I’m having trouble finding information on this, though. Do you really have to call a plumber??

I did make one change: I built a compost.

Compost 3

(Well, I supervised…from the office.)

But this wouldn’t make a good challenge because not everyone is capable of having one.

If you are, here are some links with good info:

Ideal Bite
Be Jane
Master Composter
Composting Council of Canada

I’m really excited to have started this. I’ve wanted one for a long time but never took the initiative. I think we spent about $35 on the supplies (four stakes and a roll of plastic fencing). Hopefully it will be well worth it once it provides us with some hearty compost for my flowers. (I act like I’m a gardener…I really just buy the boxes of seeds and hope it comes out okay.) I’m already happy about the food scraps not sitting in my garbage. Especially when I buy heads of lettuce and throw almost half of them away (Oh! I can’t wait for summer and GOOD produce!).

If you are able to, I totally recommend starting one. It’s much easier than I thought it would be!

I think the biggest challenge I can offer you right now is for you to tell me one way you’ve made your life greener. Anything from recycling something new, using less water, less electricity, or buying eco-friendly cleaners.

(Btw, I bought Go Naked wipes from Method for my elliptical and Pink Grapefruit All Purpose Spray, also from Method, and LOVE them. A little pricey, but worth it! My savvy SIL will HAVE to let us know if she comes across any coupons!! Also for eco-friendly kitty litter, which I will be buying after reading this.)

Sunday, April 8, 2007

E.B. Survives Another Year

Perusing Wal-Mart aisles at 10:30 Saturday night, I had to wonder: Am I really doing so hot at this parenting thing? I scoured for baskets that matched their personalities just a little. Searched for the same chocolate bunnies they get every year. Meticulously chose the PERFECT prizes. All in a last ditch attempt to save the Easter Bunny’s life in the Butrfly House.

I debated all the way up until the night before Easter if I was going to continue the Easter Bunny tradition. We didn’t color eggs, didn’t bake cookies. I tried to stay far away from the commercial Easter things to see if they even got brought up.

A couple weeks ago, Sunshine told me that a REAL bunny could never come into a house and hide eggs and baskets of candy ((Me - ready with the explanation for the tale…)), so it must be a MAN dressed as a bunny that comes into our house and hides things.

I find that really creepy.

Even more, I wanted to kill the Easter Bunny. I wanted to open her eyes to blessings of Spring. I wanted to teach her about Jesus and why Easter is so important.

But I didn’t know what to say. Because I don’t really know. So I took the easy way out and found a cute floppy Easter hat and a chocolate bunny. And made cheesecake. I did happen to purchase the Jesus Storybook Bible, hoping that would help clarify some things. It puts the stories in words that I - er, Sunshine - can understand.

I would really like to get into a church around here. I really would. I’m just having trouble finding my ‘place’ in the ‘spiritual community.’

I’m not a deeply religious person, but I am a Christian. I was baptized and raised Lutheran and thought I would always be. Then I went to an UCC church as a teen that I loved. Everyone was very open and accepting. At one point, our pastors were a gay man and a woman. But they weren’t SO open that it made me uncomfortable, like some churches do. I don’t know how to say this without offending someone (and if I would have ever learned anything, I wouldn’t print something that comes after those words, but here goes anyway)…The kind of churches where they expect you to share feelings and hug people and throw your hands in the air and cry and stuff…that scares me. Because I’m a very personal person. (Says the girl with the weblog.) There are a lot of things that never leave my head. That never leave my house. My friendships, my family. Also, I don’t like touching strangers and I don’t like them touching me. My church growing up, you shook hands. Unless it’s cold and flu season, I’m okay with shaking hands. But hugging??? Not for me. I can see how lots of people would love to have a loving environment like that, but it’s not for me. At all.

I also do not like ‘spreading the gospel’ and preaching my beliefs. I like that everyone has their own ideas on life. I don’t like people trying to convince me to change my beliefs - and doesn’t it all come down to the Golden Rule?? Some churches really push this and I refuse.

The sub pastor at my UCC church is a great man. He’s getting pretty old now, so I don’t see him much. But he’s been a beacon of hope since I met him. When we were living in a gutted shell of a house - my mom fresh from open-heart surgery with no money and four kids - these people put us up in an apartment until we could make our house livable and did everything they could to help with the house. When his wife found out I was living away from home, going to school and work both full time, she picked me up and took me straight to the Driver’s Testing Center to get my license. When I hadn’t spoken to them in a couple of years and tragedy struck, they came within an hour of our call (then waited nearly 12 hours) to baptize my daughter and send her to heaven with a given name.
He gave me real, honest answers about religion. When I told him I didn’t believe all the stories in the bible were true, he told me that it was there to believe if I wanted it, but mostly to help me along my own path. When I asked the difference of UCC to Lutheran, he told me Lutherans sing more (we do!). I told him I didn’t believe God needed me to go to church to show my love and he agreed. He told me that it shouldn’t be about redeeming your sins or being heard - but about having a large, supportive family and a place to learn and talk about God.

And that’s exactly what I want. I want a place where I can meet people that believe what I do. Where I can make friends and get to know new people. Where people aren’t going to expect anything from me.

I know fear is driving this indecision. I’m scared to start a new routine. I’m scared to meet new people. I’m scared we’ll get settled there and end up not liking it. I’m scared it won’t be like I remember.

But one thing is for certain: The choice made by two individuals Easter morning to not clean up their rooms first thing and not wake up the parents and to just go ahead and dig into the candy led to the ultimate decision that Mr. E. Bunny will not be visiting our house next year. And I will not be one of those parents scrounging up whatever they could find left on the Wal-Mart shelves at near midnight just to keep the stinkin’ tradition alive.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Say What?

In response to my annoying, yet affectionate, whining:

Sigh. "I'll start paying attention to you during the commercials."
~The Man

As opposed to looking at a fishing lure catalog during the commercials.

I am loved.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Whatever Happened To Janie?

“Sunday we’ll see some rain, which will last until Monday. Friday will be sunny.” Janie pulls out her Precise Pointing Hand and indicates exactly where the rain will fall. “You’ll be needing your umbrella!”

Janie Peterson was not the best weather woman. She often confused viewers by jumping between days in the forecast. She irritated the hell out of some with her Mr. Rogers’ “Now, boys and girls…” tone. She was often wrong, despite her confident predictions. And then there was the Precise Pointing Hand*, which drove me crazy.

The Man’s favorite observation – her uncanny resemblance to Miss Finch from Follow that Bird:

She was exactly the kind of girl I love to hate.

“Shaddup, bitch!” I’d say as I flicked the TV off. “Like you even know what you’re talking about!”

We found seats near her at the last Taste of Minnesota, where she was reporting the weather and announcing the fireworks. We heckled her. Not loudly, but we did. And after a comment she made about Minneapolis not being as great as St. Paul, we starting flinging Hate Vibes her way.

“Shut-up, Janie!” were words uttered in my house daily.

Then, one day, she was just GONE.

In her place…Ian Leonard.

I speculated that Janie *finally* got her sex change operation, but that doesn’t seem viable for a couple reasons: One, because they both have separate histories and lives. Two, because Ian has the personality of a saltine cracker: A little salty, but mostly bland. Janie could at least eek out a genuine smile or scowl. For sure she could hold a small conversation with the anchors without me yelling “NOBODY CARES, MORON!”

After a few months of putting up with his lame attempts at jokes and “banter,” I decided to find out where My Janie went. I Googled until I could Google no more. The best I came up with was a message board full of comments from viewers who loved and hated Janie. Even our Twin Cities gossip maven, CJ, had no information on her where-abouts.

It’s like she vanished. Don’t these people get another job when they leave the old one? The message board said her contract would not be renewed, so that shot down my maternity leave idea. I’m truly at a loss. I miss her. I miss yelling at her and her just standing there, smiling with her hand pointed at a weather map, completely clueless. Maybe I treated her like a punching bag…but its not like she ever knew about it.

I want my Janie back.

Even if she can’t come back…can’t they just make Ian go away? (Keith Marler is AWESOME…He should have totally taken over as Chief Meteorologist!)

So! If anyone sees my Janie pop up on their local news…do me a solid and shout a few obscenities at her? For me? Thanks, doll!

Small disclaimer: Janie actually did a lot for the girls in our community. After e-meeting a REAL former TV news journalist, I am willing to bet that off TV, she was even really cool. So, Janie, if you’re Googling you own name (you know you do!) and come across this, know that it was all in fun and we really do miss you.

*(I’ve been searching all day for a picture and I just can’t find one - Picture a very stiff pointing hand…not fingers…the whole hand.)

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Small Change April/Green Challenge #2

I’d completely forgotten about this month’s Small Change! Aside from donating a few bucks to my co-walkers’ WalkAmerica accounts, I haven’t done much of anything. But I have a lot of stuff in the works, so I’ll have more to ‘report’ later.

It's Spring Cleaning time! Check out Beth’s Small Change Challenge for April. It’s a great (easy) one, because I was doing it anyway! It’s that time of year, you know!

You can also check out the banner on my sidebar for Susie Flynn. She’s 10 years old and running for President in 2008 to bring awareness to kids without health coverage. Check out her website, sign the petition if you’d like. It’s great to see kids getting so involved!

This week’s Green Challenge is to enter your zip code into the Earth 911 box at the bottom of the page. This will show you all the registered recycling centers in your area. You will be surprised to learn how many of things you use every day that are recyclable.

I need to recycle a LOT of used motor oil and a few old filters and this search found me several places near my house.

The Coolest Thing In The World (to me) (right now): It found me a place that recycles those nasty #5 and #7 plastics! I’m going to talk to my step-dad (who saves EVERYTHING) and tell him about it. It’s about a half hour north of us, so I figure we can save up and make trips every once in a while. It sounds ridiculous, but this relieves me of a large burden on my soul. I buy a lot of things that come in containers made from these plastics. I don’t LIKE using Cool-Whip and butter containers as food storage, I don’t like saving them, but I really don’t like throwing them away.

So, there you go…enter your zip, take a look, see if you can’t learn something. There are no pop-ups or cookies attached, promise!

Also, I have to share this:

Last night I was making dinner (*Gasp, choke, WHA??* - I know!) and Sunshine came home from riding her bike with friends. She was talking about ‘So-and-so was doing this’ and the like. Then she says, “Well, you know Taylor is the bitchiest one!”

My jaw DROPPED. “What is Taylor?”

“The bitchiest one.”

“Ummm, that’s not a word you should be using. Who taught you that?”

“Oh, right, I forgot. Taylor did.”

“Well, that’s not appropriate language. I think if Taylor is a mean girl and talks like that, she probably isn’t going to make a good friend for you.”

“Yeah, cuz she’s the … meanest one.”

It’s begun…

Oh, and also...WTF???