Work

It's hard to believe I've been out of work for two months already. I've been working harder than I have in YEARS. Actual, physical WORK. Hammers and saws and lifting heavy things and being so absolutely filthy that all you can think about the whole way home is collapsing in the shower WORK. Frozen snot, double-layered gloves, wearing men's long underwear LAYERED and crappy winter boots being thankful when the God-forsaken wind STOPS for a minute WORK.

Not that I didn't feel my old job was work - people don't believe how exhausting it is to HAVE to sit all day or to have to stare into the glow of a computer screen until your eyes involuntarily close or spasm. While that work left me so mentally drained that even emotional interaction became yet another thing to do, physical work left my body aching and tired, but my mind and soul energized.

When classes started, it got a little more complicated. See, the plan my mom and I formulated was this: I helped her work on the house she is remodeling, she paid for the classes I needed in order to obtain my real estate license. So I crammed 106 hours of class into a month, while helping my mom with her house and my brother with his business on my off days. Not to mention still being mom and wife at home.

Suddenly, I was getting the worst of both working worlds - I was physically aching and mentally drained. Since I finished up my classes the week before Christmas, I took time off the laboring work as well so I had time to bake like mad for our "homemade" Christmas.

We had our Christmas fun, but I can't help but feel like I cheated myself from enjoying the season, and subsequently feel guilty for feeling that, knowing that I was doing what needs to be done. And that given the times and our circumstances, we were lucky we had the time, gifts and food that we did.

Now that the holidays are over, I have this weekend to relax and get my house back in order before I have to push full-force into this new career. It seems almost cheesy starting down a whole new path in life at the beginning of the year. Like a really bad book plot. But at least it will make doing my taxes easier.

So, that's where I am with life right now. Taking every day for what it is and pushing past the tight cocoon of limitations I had set for myself, hoping that this leap of faith lands my family on their feet.

Adept

I don't really care much for most of the guards at work. They seem either too crabby or too self-important or both. But there is one older man, Leo, whom I've always liked. He's friendly and has a wealth of stories. He took this job in retirement to give him something to do after working at the brewery most his life. We usually exchange pleasantries as I head out the door three nights a week.

As I was leaving last night, I couldn't shake the feeling like I was forgetting something.

Did I leave my cell phone on my desk? No, I had that. I went over my mental checklist and couldn't find anything missing.

I passed the guards' desk and turned to say good night to Leo.

"You look like you've forgotten something!" He warned.

"I feel like I forgot something!! How did you know that?!" I replied.

"You just have that look on your face like. Bill, in there, he always has that look because he forgets his cell phone. Do you have yours?"

"That's what I thought I was missing, but I grabbed it!" I was astonished.

"Well, you just make sure you didn't forget anything and have a great night!" Leo said with a wave.

I waved back and told him to have a great night, too.

Either he can read minds, or he's really good at his job.

Reinventing the Wheel

Trying to make your 2008 Resolutions?

You could use the old stand-bys of "Lose weight, make more money" and the like. Or...you could resolve to make changes where they'll really matter to you.

One of my favorite People Who Don't Know I Exist, Kimberly Wilson of Hip Tranquil Chick fame, had this as a suggestion in her book, Hip Tranquil Chick. It's easy and eye-opening all at once.

Take this life wheel (or draw your own) and color in each section in relation to how satisfied you are with each element. For example, if you are partially satisfied with your career, partially fill up the section labeled "career." (I told you it was easy!)

Do it right now. I'll wait.

Mine looked like this:


I'm pretty well satisfied with my home life. There's always room for improvement in any situation, but as a whole, I am happy. Same goes for relationships, though I know I need more close relationships in my life.

My health, finances, creativity and spirituality all fall at about 50%. I haven't been eating very well or getting any exercise but I'm pretty healthy besides that. My finances need some work. And though an easy answer would be "MORE MONEY!" I know that if I really worked hard at it, I could arrange my finances better - but again, I'm not poor or even really hurting badly for money. My creativity. Hmm...has anyone else noticed a little dry spell around here lately? Though I love to blame lack of time for not posting, a lot of it was that I didn't have any of those "OMG! I have to write about this!" moments - the kind of moments that drive me to be creative despite my lacking time. And finally, Spirituality; I've talked about this before. I struggle with finding a place to call 'my own' that shares my ideals. No big surprise there.

Now those little measly green ones: Career and Self-Care. Obviously the areas that need the most improvement, they actually fell a spot from when I did the wheel the first time. I can't give them a zero, because my job is somewhat fulfilling. It's fulfilling my bank account, anyhow, and that's more than a lot of people have. And I do small things to make myself happy. Though this mostly includes eating cookies and that drags down Health.


Step two is to think of a few things you could do to improve your most low-rated areas. I'll be honest, this is not as easy as coloring. But it is the important part. They have to be things you can do RIGHT NOW. Unlike my rationalization that "Once I lose weight...then I can buy a nice dress...THEN I can start going to church." (I know! My way of thinking surprises even me sometimes.)


So, starting with those little green guys, here are my steps:
SELF CARE -
1. Get a hair cut. I've longed for a nice cut for over a year. I finally got a gift card (I guess that makes it only partially "Self" Care) to my favorite salon, so this will be easily accomplished. I know it will give me a better attitude when it comes to getting myself ready every day.
2. Practice Yoga more frequently. I'm always saying I'm going to do this and don't. But it always gets put off because I ENJOY IT and things enjoyed are always pushed behind things that are NOT enjoyed. The Rule Of Mommies, no?

Completing these steps would put SELF CARE at least to 50%.

CAREER -
1. Keep resume polished and keep looking for jobs - I've applied a couple places, but haven't put forth a full effort. Part of me is very scared to leave this job - I've taken it on as a large part of my identity. But the other part of me is scared to stay and just be "used to" being unhappy with my days.
2. Keep a happier attitude at work - Change your mind and change the world, right? You are only as unhappy as you tell yourself you are. Since I told myself this a few weeks back, I've made a big effort to deflect people's bad attitudes instead of absorbing them. It's working pretty well. And for the time being, it makes this job a whole heck of a lot better.

I can't guess how happy I'll be if and when I leave this job. The main part is going to be keeping up with #2 - despite my employer.

HEALTH -
1. Eat healthier
2. Exercise more (Big DUH's, eh?)

FINANCES -
1. Plan grocery list better so I'm not spending so much unnecessary money (geez, I can't believe the place I blow all my money is the GROCERY STORE! Blech! What kind of woman am I!?!?)
2. Pay bills on time. Avoid fees. Keep happy creditors. Win-Win.

CREATIVITY -
1. Carry a notepad again so I can write down ideas when they strike
2. Follow through with crafty ideas. (In other words, instead of saving all that fabric, actually MAKE SOMETHING. Oooh. Bright Idea!)

SPIRITUALITY -
1. Attend service at a church. Just one. To see how it goes. If it doesn't work out...
2. Attend service at another church.


Looks like Mid-February or so, I should have one magenta-filled Life Wheel! Or, maybe a tad longer.


I'm really anxious to find out what ratings your Life Wheel got. And...what you plan to do to raise them up.

On Abusing Generosity

Due to the ever increasing workload lately, we’ve taken on some new employees.
The D’s each got a “new girl” to help with their work and I’ve been training in a rather gloomy, but pretty smart young guy on CAD.

I’ve enjoyed getting to know the new girls. They really liven the plastic-lined (remember the flood?) place up. But today I came to a point where I don’t want to get to know one of them anymore.

See, both the new girls (I call them “girls” but they are both older than me) are African American. They are both from the city. They are both single mothers in college. However, one likes to talk about the books she reads while the other talks about the bootleg DVD’s she watched the night before (and she “got any one” I want. Only $5.). One talks about how she spoils her kid with love and attention and is glad that’s enough because Christmas is going to be tight this year. The other…well…that’s why I don’t want to know any more about her.

She likes to announce things to a quiet room. We’ll be silent, working, and she’ll blurt something out. This doesn’t really bother me much. But today she said, “I need to get me some Toys For Tots or something.” I looked at her. “I broke, man. Bah-Roke. I need to get my babay some toys.”

I went by her to talk to her about it. “The Salvation Army runs a program with Lite FM called ‘Operation Joy,’ I told her, “I bet they could help you.”

“Operation Joy. Yeah. I got their number and I called, but I didn’t get no answer.”

“Well, I volunteered in their offices last year and they have lots of people answering the phones all day, you should try again in a little bit. Otherwise, I know most counties hold some kind of program.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that.” she said.

Twenty minutes later, she blurted out, “You know on this ‘Cyber Monday;’ they estimate there was [a mass amount of money] spent!?!?”

“Wow.” I replied, mostly uninterested. Internet facts are her favorite thing to blurt out and I’m a tad bit irritated that she spends so much time on the internet while mine has been set “off limits.”

“Yeah, I got me a laptop for $250!” She said.

I stared. “Really? Where’d you find a deal like that?”

“Overstock.com!”

“Wow.” I said again, trying to contain my anger.

Here she is, spending her WORKING time on the internet and finding good-hearted people to buy her kid Christmas presents because she’s “Bah-Roke” after buying herself a fucking computer. I wonder how many of those “good-hearted citizens” got THEMSELVES a laptop on “Cyber Monday.”

I can tell you what. Not THIS one.

Now is NOT the time for me to meet people who can successfully destroy all faith I have in man kind. I do NOT need to be thinking when I take that afternoon off to do data entry for Operation Joy, “Gee, I wonder what they blew all THEIR money on that need to use this service.” I just DON’T.

So my solution is to not get to know her anymore. I don’t know how I’m going to do this. But I have to. Because I just can’t know people who become stereotypical leaches on society. Other girl, however, I plan to get to know a LOT better. Because I could really use some empowered people in my life right now. Someone who will make me believe that there really are good people out there doing what they can and not asking for handouts. Someone who isn’t afraid to go without frivolity so she can plan a better life for herself. Someone who won’t make me feel like a fucking fool for giving up MY hard-earned vacation time to spend on programs on Operation Joy - or any other charity.

Break

We had a water main bust at work, flooding out half of the offices. We are all working in stations set up in meeting rooms and the auditorium. Then on top of that, my boss just mandated 50 hours a week. I’m now seriously searching for a new job.

I need a break, guys. When it comes down to putting something on hold, I never wanted it to be my blogging. This keeps me sane. It makes me feel like I’m not alone. Like I have FRIENDS or something.

But in reality, my job and my family have to come first. Even though this job has gone from kinda crappy to almost unbearable (okay, not in terms of “well, they dig in mines all day” but in terms of “This is not the job I took four years ago”). But it is still what puts food in my family’s mouths and pays the mortgage. Until I find something that allows me just a little personal time, I have to give up the personal time I took here and just do the work. I have to do my best for the big faceless corporation. And family…well, I know you all get that. With an extra ten waking hours out of the house, my time with them is already limited enough.

This isn’t “Good-Bye,” just “See ya later.” I might find time to post here and there, but in case I don’t, I wanted to let you know that YES! I AM okay. I miss you all (you know I’m a whore for the comments – and by that I mean your comments keep me company and keep a smile on my face!) and I will try to stay caught up on your blogs.

I have the whole week of Thanksgiving off and I’m going to use that as my little beacon of hope to get me through it all.

I will also try to post some pictures from Halloween tonight.

So until next time…

Because I really should get some work done...

You can entertain yourselves with this...

HSUS MySpace Page Take the Quiz!

Or this! (Thanks, Judy!!!)

Aren't I GORGEOUS??? I love me in cartoon!

Kaizen Crazy

Have you missed me? Huh? Yeah, I knew you would!

So where have I been? What have I been up to? What could possibly keep me from visiting my dear bloggy friends?

We call it Kaizen and it was…um…fun. Oh, wait, management doesn’t read this! It was long, stressful and frustrating. A whole week of hashing out our current processes to see where we are wasting time and eliminate that waste. I definitely won’t be boring you with those details.

All in all, I’m satisfied – mostly with being DONE with the whole thing – but also because I was actually HEARD. I said, “Well, what about this?” and people actually said, “Yeah, that’s a great idea! Let’s do it!” Instead of the usual, “Yeah, sure, whatever, we’ll see.” It feels SO great to have your ideas not only recognized, but implemented as well.

And now that it’s all over – I don’t even hate the facilitator anymore. She’s an energetic Canadian girl – probably my age. She didn’t really start getting on my nerves until Day 2. When she not only made us stay 12 hours but was a bitch to boot. I declared Tuesday night I wouldn’t be back. I did go back, of course, and got an apology AND was not made to do any of the ridiculous consequences any of the times I was late. Yay for me. I teetered on kind of liking her and wanting to bitch slap her all week. But now, I just want her to go home to Canadia (where we teased her from being from – “What alphabet do you use in Canadia?”) and have a happy life far, far away from our meeting room.

Random notes taken out of my notebook…

“The cologne is overwhelming.” Besides me, there were 14 other people in this meeting. All men - who apparently have no control over how much cologne they use.

“I AM DEAF!” I spent AT LEAST 3 out of the 6 hours we spent walking the manufacturing floor completely oblivious to what was going on because I have a hard time hearing around machines.

“Someone should tell her.” This was written when the facilitator pulled a mini-Janet and nearly exposed her whole boob. For at least twenty minutes, she walked around the room talking – and flashing the goods waiting to finish busting out. I tried to catch her eye and signal her (I WAS the only other woman) – but once she went over the time she said we could go to break, I just let it go. Yeah, I’m a bitch like that. This statement was circled to remind me of the giant rat’s nest in the back of her head. I thought about telling her about that, too. But let it go because it was Tuesday and I hated her. She noticed it YESTERDAY (thanks for coming, don’t bother showering, though!).

As you may be able to tell, it’s been a long week. My work is backed up. My family misses me (aww!). And I am extremely grateful to be done with the whole she-bang.

Next week we will return with our regularly scheduled blogging.

My Next License Plate

Will look like this:

I realize it looks a little bit like a ranson note. I have a JOB, people! I can't spend ALL day editing photos to cuss at my government workers.

Thanks, MN-DOT...specifically the workers in MY county...who didn't think that MAYBE a little bit of SALT would have taken all that ice off the road. Even more pissed, I'm sure, are the people who actually got IN accidents. Not just those of us who screamed and cussed for two hours in our cars!

Sorry for the rant, chillins...

I'm off to write a letter to the city. (Haha, oh, yeah...and to WORK.)

Tuesday's Gone

I'm getting Anti-Work right now, so I thought I'd take a break before it got hostile.

Ms. Vacations-Up-The-Yang is gone again.

One o'clock Friday afternoon I was getting ready to leave for lunch and to do a little shopping for my Cheerful Givers Party. I'd worked overtime all week to ensure I'd have a couple hours to do this. I planned it out so that I could be gone at JUST the right time. Then Ms. Vuty drops STACKS of files and papers on my desk and starts flying through what needs to be done, what can *probably* wait and what I "probably won't need to worry about." I was SO PISSED that she'd screwed me on my break, I threatened to quit - loudly - a few times throughout the afternoon. Thank goodness Boss was gone.

I had a lovely weekend, to get completely off the subject but stay in time frame. The Man and I had a great dinner Saturday after we played a game on the golf simulator (So. Fun.) and spent an ass-load of money on clothes. Seriously, $25 at one outlet store got me a TON of clothes - including new yoga pants ($3) and a suede jacket ($5...yes, $5). Then I spent FORTY DOLLARS on a pair of running shoes. Like, OMG, FORTY DOLLARS. Remember me all excited over my new Payless peep-toes??? Half as much as these babies! I'm kind of excited and a little sick. Spending money does that to me.

The next day, on our way to pick up the kids, we hit up Kohl's. The Man went on a total shopping spree. Okay, maybe that's the cheap-ass in me, but he got a LOT. It's nice to see him picking out new clothes, though. When we started dating, his sister chastised him in front of me for not even attempting to wear a t-shirt without holes. So, he's come a long way to be buying NEW ones.

We picked up the kids and went SHOPPING AGAIN! We took them to Marshall’s, where I got a Roxy swimsuit for $16 that looks good on me. Also a cool bag.

Having Monday off, we set out on our day-long hunt for the perfect (read: inexpensive but not cheap) beds for the kids. Which we found at four. The Man's reliable BFF showed up an hour later to pick him and the beds up. (Two trips = four hours, jsyk). Nine o'clock rolled around, the kids were sleeping soundly in their new beds, I had dishes yet to do, hadn't made it the grocery store and OMG I MISSED HEROES!!! Not a good ending to a long, headache-producing day.

Also, not a good start to a long, headache-producing week. Which brings us back to NOW. Now I sit here, having freshly realized I HAVE NO IDEA how to do Vuty's work. None at all. This should be fun. I'm imagining all the things I can say to take the heat off me when my boss comes to find out why the shit ain't getting done. Obviously, it's Vuty's fault, right? I mean, SHE didn't bother to make sure I knew what she did before she left. I get so sick of everyone here using "You're smart, you'll pick up on it." as an excuse to not thoroughly train me. I keep trying to think of excuses and in my head, the conversation always ends "I have high blood pressure. HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. I'm TWENTY FOUR, in decent health and I have HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE." And then, me quitting in a Half-Baked-esque way.

I know I can't (financially) leave this job. But I am so scared that it's going to kill me if I don't. I used to think I was dramatic saying that. But now I have HIGH FREAKING BLOOD PRESSURE. At TWENTY FOUR.

How's that for dramatic?