Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Whatever Happened To Janie?

“Sunday we’ll see some rain, which will last until Monday. Friday will be sunny.” Janie pulls out her Precise Pointing Hand and indicates exactly where the rain will fall. “You’ll be needing your umbrella!”

Janie Peterson was not the best weather woman. She often confused viewers by jumping between days in the forecast. She irritated the hell out of some with her Mr. Rogers’ “Now, boys and girls…” tone. She was often wrong, despite her confident predictions. And then there was the Precise Pointing Hand*, which drove me crazy.

The Man’s favorite observation – her uncanny resemblance to Miss Finch from Follow that Bird:

She was exactly the kind of girl I love to hate.

“Shaddup, bitch!” I’d say as I flicked the TV off. “Like you even know what you’re talking about!”

We found seats near her at the last Taste of Minnesota, where she was reporting the weather and announcing the fireworks. We heckled her. Not loudly, but we did. And after a comment she made about Minneapolis not being as great as St. Paul, we starting flinging Hate Vibes her way.

“Shut-up, Janie!” were words uttered in my house daily.

Then, one day, she was just GONE.

In her place…Ian Leonard.

I speculated that Janie *finally* got her sex change operation, but that doesn’t seem viable for a couple reasons: One, because they both have separate histories and lives. Two, because Ian has the personality of a saltine cracker: A little salty, but mostly bland. Janie could at least eek out a genuine smile or scowl. For sure she could hold a small conversation with the anchors without me yelling “NOBODY CARES, MORON!”

After a few months of putting up with his lame attempts at jokes and “banter,” I decided to find out where My Janie went. I Googled until I could Google no more. The best I came up with was a message board full of comments from viewers who loved and hated Janie. Even our Twin Cities gossip maven, CJ, had no information on her where-abouts.

It’s like she vanished. Don’t these people get another job when they leave the old one? The message board said her contract would not be renewed, so that shot down my maternity leave idea. I’m truly at a loss. I miss her. I miss yelling at her and her just standing there, smiling with her hand pointed at a weather map, completely clueless. Maybe I treated her like a punching bag…but its not like she ever knew about it.

I want my Janie back.

Even if she can’t come back…can’t they just make Ian go away? (Keith Marler is AWESOME…He should have totally taken over as Chief Meteorologist!)

So! If anyone sees my Janie pop up on their local news…do me a solid and shout a few obscenities at her? For me? Thanks, doll!

Small disclaimer: Janie actually did a lot for the girls in our community. After e-meeting a REAL former TV news journalist, I am willing to bet that off TV, she was even really cool. So, Janie, if you’re Googling you own name (you know you do!) and come across this, know that it was all in fun and we really do miss you.

*(I’ve been searching all day for a picture and I just can’t find one - Picture a very stiff pointing hand…not fingers…the whole hand.)


Kristina said...

I LOVE Keith Marler! He's hilarious! And honestly, Ian Leonard has gotten the same "Nobody cares, MORON!" comment from me a NUMBER of times. B-O-R-I-N-G! I never even noticed Janie was gone..... how sad is that!?!

I love the morning banter between Keith Marler and the news guy...because I think they don't like each other, so if you listen carefully, you can find little jabs between them. And Keith Marler is a total weirdo, which is why I like him so much, haha.

Sugar Kane said...

Is there even such a thing as a great weather person?

Cherann said...

That was good stuff. I almost miss Janie just from reading it. Too bad I'm in California and I don't even watch the news. I like to be uninformed about things--it makes life less depressing not knowing about all the local abductions, murders,health risks, blah blah blah blah blah...

Besides, I get my news from People Magazine (I'm gossipy like that) and the weather from my google home page.

Brillig said...

Oh, if I weren't laughing so hard, I would feel really bad that she just disappeared like that! Poor mocked, unnoticed, Miss Finch-resembling girl!

Undercover Angel said...

That's weird that she just disappeared like that...

Anonymous said...

Found her!

Butrfly4404 said...

THANK YOU, anon!!

Good to know she's still working! And in MN, no less!

Good searching!

Cherann said...

Do you think Janie Peterson is the one that googled "janie peterson meteorologist" to get to your blog??? Maybe she's the anonymous commenter...

Everyone's a little vain right? I admit to googling myself occasionally.

Anonymous said...

Keith Marler is the most-handsome meteorologist ever! I wake up early just to watch him then fall back asleep after I have taken care of the one-eyed snake.