Thursday, October 4, 2007

From Behind The Stir-Ups...My Story

**UPDATED 11-20-07 - If you're a damn pervert looking for porn, look elsewhere you sick bastard. Thank you.**


The story that started this whole gynecological fest was about my old doctor, Dr. H. I thought it was only fair that I talk about him again.

When I got pregnant, it was a … surprise. I was at a time in my life where I was just starting to live a responsible life - working, taking care of a family. But I had yet to get myself on a regular schedule with my physical exams. And yes…even my gynecologist visit. I still went every year, it was just randomly done in response to my mom’s nagging. Usually because she wanted me to make appointments for both of us. So we could go together! (So, you’re starting to see how this whole experience has been for me, right?)

That led to me calling every professional clinic in the area of a certain suburb asking if they had a female doctor named Chris. Because that’s all I knew about ‘my‘ doctor.

So, back to me getting pregnant. I thought it was time I started seeing, you know, ONE doctor. Maybe learn his name, get to know him a bit. So I looked at the pictures on the internet and whittled down my selections.

“She looks like a beeee-otch!” (She did, like the bad lady in Austin Powers!)
“He looks too old.”
“Hey, Dr. H, huh? He looks like a nice guy. Good looking, but still too old for me. That’s my doctor.”

Turns out, that is NOT the best way to pick your doctor. Hmph.

Dr. H was a nice guy. And he was good looking but too old for me. But he was also very timid when it came to talking about my lady parts. I would like that in a regular guy, but not my gynecologist. After all, it IS his job.

When he did my b*reast exam, if I looked down, he looked away.

He stammered and blushed any time he had to say ‘b*reast’ or ‘v*agina.’ And, of course, anything associated with the br*east or v*agina.

And I mentioned before how chronically late he was, but just to document it again: Standard hour wait in the waiting room and half hour wait in the exam room. An hour and a half. Of just waiting.

But all these flaws were just minor things. Crap, it’s not like I’m marrying the guy, right? He’s just gotta keep an eye on my goods for almost a year.

That all changed the day he called me fat.

I must have been eight months along. I knew I was putting on weight. I may not have understood the way calories worked exactly, but I knew eating brownies, marshmallows and chocolate syrup on chocolate ice cream from Cold Stone Creamery wasn’t exactly keeping me slim. But, HELLO? I was PREGNANT! That’s what my family said! “Honey! You’re NOT fat - you’re PREGNANT!”

Yet here this man, who asked me about my sexual partners in a ‘round about way’ was flat out telling me, “You’re gaining weight too fast, you need to watch what you eat and start walking more.”

“Well, I TRY to walk, but it’s been a hundred degrees outside! That can’t be good for the baby!” I pleaded. How the hell could he be telling me to this??

“Then try walking at night.”

“At NIGHT? That’s not safe!”

“Sure it is.” He said smugly.

“Where do you live? Edina??? Because where I live, it is NOT safe for a hugely pregnant woman to go walking by herself late at night!” And it wasn’t.

I went home that night more pissed than I ever had been at a doctor. I had doctors tell me I was overweight before. (I lived with my grandparents for a while when I was younger. They liked to feed me.) But I had never had one do it with so much arrogance.

I kept him on as my obstetrician until the end of my pregnancy with my 6 week exam. But ONLY because I loved his nurse and she knew a lot about me.

But after the boob incident, that sucker was outta there.

VirtualSprite said of male ob/gyns, “My feeling, if you don't have the parts, you don't have an opinion.”

And I couldn’t agree more. My new doctor is a woman.



**Don't forget to throw your link in the post up top and then head over to Brillig's place to read hers and add your link there, too!**

16 comments:

Brillig said...

Oh. Mygosh. You gotta love a doc who clearly knows nothing about women, ancouraging the pregnant ones to walk when it's not safe. Yikes! I loved, "Turns out, that is NOT the best way to pick your doctor. Hmph." HAHAHAHA. That's hilarious.

His words to you are absolutely horrendous. But the way he couldn't even have a conversation about your feminine bits? HAHAHAHA Um... how does he... um... function as a gyno? That's so freaky!

nell said...

Yikes! I think the not-being-able-to-talk-about-lady-parts would have really bugged me. He's in the wrong field. He can't say the word vagina without blushing, but can tell you to walk at night without even flinching? Seriously.

www.nolanotes.com said...

Here's another way NOT to pick a gyne: you meet at the knitting store. And he has pink socks on.

Glad you finally found a doc you like!

Jami said...

If you don't have the parts, you shouldn't be trying to take care of them. You can't be a gynecologist if you don't have a vagina. You can't be a proctologist ... well, you get the picture.

Krista said...

well see I'm the exact opposite... at least now. I adamantly refused to see a male doctor while I was pregnant... and then had the female doctor be very cold, by the book, no compromises when I told her my cycles were long so I thought his due date was at least week later than they thought. She was completely adamant that if we were late she was going to induce us. Then I ended up going into labor on "their" due date, but at the hospital got the doctor on call from my clinic who was absolutely wonderful! And male. So I switched to him and have never looked back. He has 2 young kids, (yet is too old for me), is really mellow, but straight forward and answers all your questions nicely. I love him!

Oh, and by the way, my female doctor was my age and had never had kids... she or one of her nurses actually had the gall to tell me - when I was concerned over how many ultrasounds I'd had because I read somewhere that they might be harmful to the baby's brain that "I had elected them so it was my problem". Sheesh! At least share my concern and reassure me rather than make me feel like I've damaged my baby even if one or two of them was optional!

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

Oh yes. He definitely lives in Edina.

Canadian flake said...

what a butthead that doc was...glad you ditched his sorry butt and moved on...good for you!!

Butrfly Garden said...

Brill & Nell - SERIOUSLY. He has a way of doing it that he doesn't necessarily come across as being shy about it, he finds ways around it most of the time - but then when it comes to him having to use the words - it's painfully obvious that he's uncomfortable doing so. Maybe he's a "less talk, more action" kinda guy - idk! (HAHAHA).

nolanotes - I wouldn't think that would be a good way, either! hahaha!

Jami & Krista - I have to admit that I have had some bad female docs, too...and a great male OB delivered my baby girl. But MOST of my experience holds true that female docs are easier to work with when it comes to the womanlies. :)

Shauna - Yeah, we pronounce it "Ee-DI-nah" here...to emphasis how snooty they are. HAHAHA.

CanadianFlake - he was a total butthead!

The Rotten Correspondent said...

Wow. He's lucky to still be alive.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh my Lord, what a very sad man.
Did you talk to him about his embarrassing blushing probe, clammy hands and bad breath?
I would have, the git.
Mine's up. Really enjoyed?? this topic.
:D

Virtualsprite said...

Wow. I wonder what he was like out in a social situation, because that kind of awkwardness, that takes skill.

Man, glad you found a new doctor. And didn't go walking at night. What the hell!?!?!?!

Kelly said...

I have always had a lady Dr., and she's always been a total Weight Nazi. However I like that about her. I need someone every once in a while to shame me into watching what I put in my mouth. I'm a little twisted like that. Probably comes from being raised by a Weight Nazi mother. Hmmmmmmmmmmm...

Miss Kate said...

Oh no. I have a Dr. H. Ryhmes with "camel". Is at a hospital in a town that rhymes with "Ridley".

DO I HAVE DOCTOR H?

Crap.

Cherann said...

You know, I'd got to a female gyney if they had one out here that took insurance...and didn't practice with other men.

Whiskeymarie said...

If you can't say the word "vagina" you aren't qualified to examine it, in my opinion.

MommasWorld said...

I had an OBGYN tell me he was afraid of the amount of weight I had gained. I went from 98 lbs to 174 lbs (most in my last 3 months). He said he was concerned about the effects it would have on the baby and then myself after birth. However, he did not say it in a mean way at all. Did not call me fat or tell me to just walk it off or running from criminals.

So glad you found a good OBGYN now.